


As Long As It Landed You Here

by Resmiranda



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Apparently I have an amp kink, Fluff, Happy Ending, Horizon (Mass Effect), Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Set sometime after ME3, Virmire, inappropriate use of biotics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 21:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9344759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resmiranda/pseuds/Resmiranda
Summary: “Hey, Shepard? Can I ask you something?” Kaidan felt his eyelids drooping. He let them.“Of course. Lay it on me.”A smile twitched at Kaidan’s lips. His eyes slit open again to meet Shepard’s. This wasn’t the kind of question you asked with your eyes closed.“When did you realize you loved me?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> What started as me just trying to figure out why my Shepard really chose Kaidan over Ashley on Virmire exploded into a introspective fic with fluff and smut. Hopefully this isn't too horrible for my first crack at writing something in the ME fandom. I love these two.
> 
> Please let me know if you spot a typo!
> 
> Enjoy?

“Hey, Shepard?”

The man in John’s arms shifts and twists until he can look his partner in the eye. Figuratively. A stray lock of black hair had tangled itself in his eyelashes. They flutter until John nudges the wayward strands back into place with gentle fingers and a gentler smile. Expressions Kaidan didn’t even know the man was capable of until recently.

It was remarkable how the end of the world put some things into perspective.

“What is it?”

No matter how many times he heard it, the soft bass of Shepard’s voice never failed to relax something in Kaidan. Even when the other man was literally wrapped around him in bed, chest rising and falling rhythmically, warm and alive, nothing seemed to confirm Shepard’s life to him like the sound of his voice. A voice he’d followed to hell and back. Confident and clear. Kaidan could almost laugh. It’s never what he imagined a ‘siren’s call’ from the old seaman’s tales to be, but it seemed to have the same effect. No one could resist his call.

Or maybe Kaidan was just biased.

“Can I ask you something?” He felt his eyelids drooping. He let them.

He was comfortable and loose. No lingering worries that alarms could start blaring at any moment. They could indulge in some of that saccharine pillow talk he’d always fancied in romances, but never had time—or the right person—for in real life. Even if Shepard still wasn’t the most romantic being in the galaxy, he almost never failed to indulge Kaidan’s questions—particularly when they pertained to their relationship.

True to form, Shepard responded, “Of course. Lay it on me.”

A smile twitched at Kaidan’s lips. His eyes slit open again to meet Shepard’s. This wasn’t the kind of question you asked with your eyes closed.

“When did you realize you loved me?”

Shepard didn’t move a millimeter. His eyes didn’t budge from where they met his partner’s. If it weren’t for the regular _in-out-in-out_ of Shepard’s breathing, he would worry that the man had been turned to stone.

But this reaction was familiar to him. He knew his patience would be rewarded with a thoughtful answer. He let his eyes slip closed again, losing himself in the comforting lull of Shepard’s breaths.

 

John’s mind was working overtime.

It wasn’t as though he didn’t have an answer for Kaidan—he did. Sort of. More of a series of events than a precise moment. It wasn’t that Shepard woke up one day and realized he had feelings for his subordinate. It was a whole lot… messier… than that. Complicated. He’d tried to work it out countless times, himself, but feelings were never really his forte. Anything that required introspection took time he didn’t have. His life was snap decisions, pulling triggers, fighting for his life and the lives of his crew. Long drawn out contemplations about _why_ he made the choices he did was not his style.

Though that wasn’t for lack of trying, at times. Some things demanded consideration, he was just never very good at it. It was what made answering Kaidan’s question unnecessarily complicated as well.

“You up for a story?”

Kaidan jolted from his light doze. His eyes looked a bit clearer now, interested. “Oh?”

John answered slowly. “It was more of a… process, than a moment for me.”

Kaidan chuckled deep in his throat. “Isn’t it that way for all of us? I mean, sure there might be a moment where you realize what you’re feeling is, but I’m pretty sure there’s a reason it’s called _falling_ in love.”

John hummed his acknowledgement of Kaidan’s words. “I suppose you have a point. I’m pretty sure I know when I started falling. Or at least when I started thinking about what you were to me.”

“Yeah?” There was a note of surprise in Kaidan’s tone. “You must be better at this than me, then. Even I don’t know when I started looking…” He stopped, took a beat. “No, maybe I do.”

John looked into Kaidan’s eyes, irises deceptively dark in the low lighting.

“Virmire?” He inquired lightly.

Kaidan’s throat bobbed visibly as he nodded once in reply.

And just like that, Shepard was back there.

 

* * *

 

_In the back of his mind, John had been preparing for this choice. He knew when he sent Ash with the Salarians that he was putting her life on the line (though, if he were to be honest, John also knew her combat skills to be second to none and believed she had the strongest chance of coming back to them)._

_Now, however, the choice of who to save and who to leave behind laid bare in front of him, he wondered if that had been the best decision._

_John went after Kaidan._

_As soon as he was doing it, his heart sank. Not because he regretted the choice—he would face regret either way. Losing good soldiers, good_ friends _, hurt, plain and simple._

 _It was the_ ‘why’ _._

_He was questioning his motives in a situation where there was no time to think._

_Even as he ran toward him and away from Ashley, he asked himself the hard questions he already knew he couldn’t answer._

_Why had he chosen to go after Kaidan? Because he was a biotic, like him, and he felt some kind of twisted connection to him because they were both freaks?_

_Did he choose to sacrifice Ash just because she came onto him so strongly after a little bit of light flirting and it was an easy way of eliminating the problem?_

_The obvious answer was that Kaidan ranked higher, and therefore was considered more important to the Alliance._

_But that rang hollow, too._

_John’s gut churned in sync with his mind and he felt like he was going to be sick._

_He didn’t know why he had made his choice. He didn’t know if his reasons were good enough. Right now, he felt like he didn’t know why he had chosen and any of the answers he offered himself felt like excuses. He was going to let Ashley die and he didn’t even know_ why. _But—_

_The doors to the bomb site opened. Bullets streaked past his shoulder. Kaidan was slumped by the bomb, a hand pressed to his gut._

_—he could agonize over that later._

 

_“Kaidan”_

_The man stopped in his tracks and turned sharply, mouth twitching unpleasantly at the corner as he did so. John frowned. That probably answered his question._

_“You came to the debrief pretty fast. Did Dr. Chakwas patch you up?”_

_Kaidan looked in his direction, but failed to meet John’s eyes._

_“Yes, sir. More or less.”_

_John zoned in on his choice wording._

_“What does ‘more or less’ mean?”_

_“I figured the debriefing took priority. I took a good dose of medi-gel. I’ll be right as rain in no time, Commander.”_

_John moved a few steps closer, but the lieutenant still wouldn’t meet his eyes. He clapped a hand on his shoulder, and Kaidan winced, but finally met his gaze. “That hit seemed a little more serious than what standard issue medi-gel is meant to handle. My crew’s health is always more important to me, lieutenant. I appreciate the thought, but next time, be late. I’ll understand.”_

_Kaidan’s lips parted, but he hesitated to speak. He didn’t look away, however. “Yes, sir.”_

_John sighed. “You’re a good soldier, Alenko.”_

_He hedged again. “Thank you, sir.”_

_He wanted to say more, to tell Kaidan to drop the ‘sir,’ they were past formalities after what they had just gone through together, but something felt too tenuous between them right now. Like they needed the stiff structure of the military to hold their relationship up. Without all the bullshit about hard calls and no one but the enemy being to blame they had to face what John’s choice really meant on a personal level._

_He wasn’t ready for that._

_So he kept his mouth shut, but quickly realized Kaidan’s light brown irises weren’t wandering anymore. The unease of eye contact that was lasting just a_ little too long _was settling in when he finally dropped it._

_“Yeah,” he spoke on an exhale. “Thank you… Commander.” A ghost of a smile caught his lips and he met John’s eyes again for the briefest of moments._

_John’s heartrate increased, just a little bit._

_“You’ll go back to the Med Bay to get some proper treatment, now, right?”_

_Kaidan’s hand drifted to his side unconsciously, but his face remained clear of obvious pain. The shadow of a smile bloomed into a real one, if a little crooked._

_“Sir, yes, sir!”_

_“Good to hear.”_

_Understanding the dismissal, Kaidan turned to leave. He’d made it no farther than a pace before he halted one more time, and looked back._

_“Commander—I just wanted to say… Shepard… Thank you.”_

_There was something about that little pause just before he said his name that made his gut churn—though not the way thoughts of why he left Ash did. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it wasn’t exactly unpleasant either._

_One more thing to add to the ever expanding list of_ ‘Examine Later’ _that John was beginning to suspect he’d never find time to actually mull over._

_John nodded his acceptance of Kaidan’s words and watched him walk way, the tenderness he must be feeling keeping his posture a little more rigid than was natural._

 

_It turned out that it wasn’t so hard to find time to mull things over when you didn’t sleep._

_Unable to find rest, John let himself probe at that sore spot in the back of his mind. The one that insistently throbbed with the question_ why her why her why her? _Or, alternatively,_ why him why him why him?

_The latter was probably the better question._

_It hadn’t helped when Kaidan had been the one asking it._

_He didn’t choose someone’s death; he chose someone’s life. The difference was fine, but there was a difference. John wouldn’t have willingly sent any of his team members to their deaths if there were any other option. But he did prioritize Lieutenant Alenko’s life over Ashley’s, and that was what he had to answer for. Why Kaidan seemed more important to him than Ashley._

_In terms of fighting ability, Kaidan was superior among biotic warriors—a real rarity. His expertise with tech also made him a real asset, and was half the reason John took him on every mission he’d run. He was only second to himself (and in certain scenarios, Pressly) in the chain of command, and highly decorated for his relatively young age besides._

_Ash was no run of the mill soldier, however. Her talent in the field was undeniable._

_He hadn’t made his choice based on their usefulness in the field. Any of them might be disposable to the Alliance, but not to John._

_He had known the lieutenant longer. He wasn’t under his command long before Ashley came aboard, but he’d been around long enough that they’d started to bond. Or, at least, they had by John’s standards. The lieutenant had an awkward, but endearing, sense of humor that he couldn’t help but smile at. He was level-headed and his experience showed in the set of his shoulders. He was maybe a bit too stiff for what John personally liked, but he was Alliance through and through, and a good man. Not everyone had the independent streak John did._

_Ash… she wasn’t like that. She was less guarded, more like John. Still Alliance to the bone, but lax in her attitude toward him. John liked more personal relationships, but she pressed too far, presumed too much._

_Maybe that was unfair. It wasn’t like he was exactly against fraternization… He just wouldn’t do such a thing lightly. Ash moved far faster than he was comfortable._

_The suggestion that John left Ash based on it being an easy solution to his discomfort set his stomach roiling again. He_ needed _there to be a better reason than that. But everything else just felt empty._

_John sighed and rolled over. He’d had enough soul-searching for one night. He’d put that feeling in a box with Elysium and his childhood. He couldn’t afford to be weighed down by these things now._

_He was having enough difficultly sleeping as it was._

* * *

 

“Shepard?”

The mildly concerned inquiry rattled John out of the memories. “Just thinking.”

“About…?”

“Yeah.”

Kaidan sighed, deeply. “That was it, for me. At first, I was angry—you know that—but later… When I asked myself what I’d do if our positions were reversed… I’d had a crush on you for a while. I knew that. But it was just a fantasy. Nothing I ever thought could be real.” He sighed again, just as heavy. He pressed his forehead to John’s neck. Breathed deep. Like he still needed the confirmation. “I tried not to think about it too much. Then Virmire happened and… I realized how real my own feelings were. I loved you.” A single note of dry laughter pushed out of him. John squeezed his shoulder. “Scared the shit out of me. Realizing how deeply I cared for you. How much—” His breath hitched. John watched him take a very controlled breath, face blank and voice measured as he continued. “How much losing you could ruin me. That kind of vulnerability never feels good. Especially in our line of work.”

“No,” John agreed.

“And you were my commanding officer. We all know to look but not touch. I’ve looked before, had some… imaginative nights. But I never wanted to act on those thoughts before, not really. Not until my CO wanted to be friends and I found myself in love with him before I even knew what happened.”

John carefully drew a line between the cluster of freckles at Kaidan’s eyebrow, down to the corner of his mouth with his thumb. He looked up from his lips to meet his eyes. “I didn’t know,” he admitted softly. “That it was that long for you.”

Kaidan turned his face into John’s palm. Pressed a kiss to the heel of his hand.

When he spoke again his tone was light, teasing even. “I tried to imply that at Apollo’s, you know. When I asked if you’d known me to be with anyone. It wasn’t just because there wasn’t anyone. It’s because there _was.”_

John’s mind drifted backwards, letting that color all his previous encounters with Kaidan up until that moment. One froze in place. His heart lurched unpleasantly with it.

Horizon.

 

* * *

 

_He hadn’t realized how much he had wanted to see Kaidan until he was in John’s sights again. Part of him was disappointed all he offered him was a handshake. He would’ve just as quickly embraced him, but despite their closeness after everything with Saren, they’d never gotten quite that comfortable. They were both still soldiers after all, and he was John’s subordinate. Crossing physical lines too hard made things awkward for everyone fast._

_But in that moment._

_Seeing a familiar face, knowing he was safe, knowing how much time had passed… yeah, he would have hugged him._

_Instead Kaidan took John off guard with his warm tone and angry eyes. Kaidan was tough, but tended to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Straightforward. You always knew where you stood with Kaidan. He wouldn’t bullshit you. He’d speak his mind or say nothing. It was one of the reasons John valued hearing from him._

_It was why Horizon was so painful._

_Kaidan meant every damn word he said._

_Guilt sank in John’s stomach. He’d accused Kaidan of not thinking rationally, but how could he blame him? Fuck, if Ashley showed up at their next stop claiming she’d been brought back from the dead, he wouldn’t be thinking clearly either. And Kaidan and John were much closer than Ashley and he ever had been._

_John wished, not for the first time since coming back to the Normandy, that Kaidan would have agreed to come with them. If for no other reason than to talk, to make him understand._

_There was the knife, twisting in his chest._

_Kaidan always got John. Career soldier, biotic, relational. He knew what Shepard was about, once. He was surprised at how much it pained him that he didn’t, now._

_And as much as it had royally pissed him off that that Illusive Man insinuated his personal relationships were baggage that would slow him down past the Omega-4 relay, he saw his point, now._

_Part of him wished Kaidan had never seen him again on Horizon. If he hadn’t seen him… If he hadn’t seen him he wouldn’t have to lose Shepard twice. Like he might now._

“It was like losing a limb.”

_Those words had been echoing in his head for hours. Such strong words. And John knew he meant them, because it was Kaidan._

_Shepard rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands._

_He could think about this for the rest of time and it would never feel any better._

_Talking didn’t help either. Kelly’s passive comment made him sick and Joker’s made him angry._

_The new faces made him feel lonely and the old ones reminded him of all he had lost._

_To John, it had been mere weeks ago that he and Kaidan had been drinking and playing cards in his cabin, exchanging light jibes and laughter easily._

_But for Kaidan…_

_For Kaidan it had been two years. He’d buried him, so to speak._

_When John really thought about it—put himself in Kaidan’s shoes—he got it. He did. But it didn’t make it any easier to accept. It didn’t seem like Kaidan to think so… so selfishly. His crew always looked out for his wellbeing as well as he looked after theirs. Kaidan was a bit of a bleeding heart when it came to those he cared for. Always willing to instruct others or have a chat. The definition of loyal to a fault. He liked to give people the benefit of the doubt, when he could, but he didn’t tolerate lies or betrayal, either._

_John had always known him for his perspective and generosity, but he hadn’t even tried to put himself in John’s shoes. To realize how disorienting and painful it was to wake up one day to find out two years of his life were just_ gone _._ _That he was surrounded by people he couldn’t trust when the lifeblood of his success had always been his ability to put absolute faith in his team._

_Though it wasn’t like John had proven his trustworthiness to these people, either. Kaidan was the final nail driving that point home._

_Even if he hadn’t given him a chance._

_At one point Kaidan had told him staying reasonable was about all they had left. Those words had stayed with him because of their resonance. For Kaidan to be so ruled by emotion—John knew he had to be shaken to his foundations._

“It was like losing a limb.”

_John ran a hand over his scalp and sighed. He stared ahead, seeing nothing._

_If only Kaidan would have_ listened. _If Anderson—_

_Rage flashed to life in him._

Anderson.

_Anderson had stonewalled them from each other. Told John he couldn’t give him Kaidan’s contact information, despite knowing where he was. Didn’t even bother to confirm the rumors that he was alive with Kaidan._

_If Anderson had used some of the rebellious nature that got them commandeering an Alliance ship to forget regulations for a moment and do him a personal favor…_

_The anger died as quickly as it had flared._

_He sighed, heavier than before, and let his head drop into both his hands._

_If he was going to be angry at someone, it should be the Illusive Man. He was the one who brought him back from the brink of death, set this meeting up, and put his friend in danger._

_Anderson had done the right thing. He knew it. Or, at the very least, he did the thing that John would have done. It was impossible for them to know where his allegiance really lay. If he was being manipulated in some way, having Kaidan’s faith and assistance could be downright dangerous. He’d be the perfect pawn. Not that Kaidan would ever go for something that smelled fishy—he wasn’t stupid. But Kaidan meant what he said. And Kaidan had said he would have followed him anywhere._

_If that were true, he’d be following him to his death right now._

_Maybe this was for the best._

_It still hurt._

_John tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that at least some part of Kaidan still cared for him._

_He wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse._

 

* * *

 

Shepard had gone still again, so Kaidan waited. He watched as John’s eyebrows drew in, then his lips turned down. He knew he needed to cut in before John went down the martyr path again, but he was already there.

“Fuck.” Shepard rolled so he was flat on his back again, putting some breathing room between them. Kaidan followed the motion and propped himself on one elbow looking down at Shepard. His gaze was fixed on the ceiling. “It’s no wonder you seemed so upset on Horizon.”

Kaidan scoffed lightly, but not without good nature. “You don’t know the half of it. There was a reason I asked to bury it instead of talk about it.”

John finally shifted to look at him again, one eyebrow raised. “Which was…?”

“Really, Shepard?”

“If I could read your mind we’d have fought a lot less.”

This time Kaidan’s laugh was true. “Maybe.” He took a second to pick up the lost thread of conversation. Right. “I didn’t know how to talk about Horizon without admitting my feelings to you. Admitting I hoped you were flirting with me was enough. I don’t think I was entirely… sober.” He shifted his eyes to the side and Shepard chuckled.

“High on painkillers, Major?”

“Not exactly what I’d call high, but they definitely lowered my inhibitions.” He adjusted his arm to take the pressure off his shoulder a little more. “Anyway, with the reapers having just invaded Earth, me black and blue in a hospital bed, and you with stars-knows how many things to do, it didn’t seem like a great time for a love confession. Reconnecting with you was still all so new. I needed some time to think.”

Shepard mapped the muscle on Kaidan’s arm, shoulder to elbow. The other man resettled himself next to John, Kaidan’s stubble scratching as he pillowed his head on John’s shoulder. The wandering fingers ran up to tangle in his hair, automatically beginning to massage, slowly working down to his neck. Kaidan groaned.

“Spirits, that’s good.”

John put a little more elbow grease into his motions, easing up when he got to the area surrounding his implant and port so as to not damage any of the delicate connections there. Kaidan’s even breathing always turned to a shudder when his fingers lightly pressed around it. If he did his job well—and he prided himself on a job well done—he could coax a few thin waves of shimmering blue out.

“John.” Kaidan had his face smashed into John’s shoulder now, his voice coming out muffled. He never used John’s given name unless he was emphatic about something, so naturally, he listened, though he did not cease his ministrations. “John, if you’re not prepared to go all the way right now, _stop now_.”

John pulled out the most innocently curious tone he could manage. “Oh, am I turning you on, Major?”

Kaidan lifted his head just enough to glare at Shepard. He knew _full well_ what this did to him.

Pressed close as they were, Kaidan felt John’s chuckle rumbling into him, dark and promising. Kaidan licked his lips. When did they start feeling so dry?

Shepard followed the movement of his tongue like a predator his prey. A shiver ran all the way from Kaidan’s implant down his spine with a crackle of blue that danced along his skin and sparked at his fingertips. The wave had less bite to it than the static buildup in his hair, but it hailed the beginning of Kaidan’s unraveling.

 

“ _John_ ,” he forced out between clenched teeth. But it didn’t sound like a protest. Quite the opposite.

John shifted, leaving Kaidan face down in the mattress. A muffled groan of what John assumed was protest quickly turned into a wordless exclamation as fingers were replaced with teeth and tongue, the tip of John’s tongue tracing delicate lines around the edges of Kaidan’s port. His spine dipped and shoulders seized with a shuddering cry and another, stronger pulse of blue. John withdrew with a kiss on the surgical scar at the base of Kaidan’s hairline. The man immediately slumped, panting.

John chuckled, pulling at one of Kaidan’s shoulders. Grumbling under his breath, he allowed John to roll him over, a heavy-lidded glare piercing him. He reached one hand out and firmly cupped the back of John’s neck, tugging him down.

Both men sighed as their lips met, a warm and dry press that quickly turned hungry and wet as Kaidan nipped and licked his way into John’s mouth, John following him in a well-rehearsed dance.

John moved so he was laying over Kaidan, slotting their hips together, Kaidan’s hands immediately coming to palm his ass. Questing fingers traced his crack, probing between. John shivered; Kaidan’s chest vibrated with soft laughter. John smiled against his mouth until Kaidan rolled his hips and his grin morphed into a gasp.

Neither of them said anything for a minute, eyes locked as they moved together as one.

Kaidan dragged his lower lip between his teeth, a sure sign he was getting closer.

John couldn’t resist leaning over to kiss and suckle his neck, getting as close to Kaidan’s amp as he could. He managed to get his tongue near enough that Kaidan jolted.

A moment later found rough fingers at the bottom edge of John’s own amp port, the gentle stroking enough to provoke a weak flare of his own.

Kaidan smirked at him.

John shook his head but kissed him anyway, tucking his right hand under Kaidan’s neck to mimic the action.

John watched Kaidan’s pupils flicker in the low light as licks of pleasure flitted down his spine. A groan was building in the back of his throat with the heat in his groin, every movement bringing him closer.

“ _Ah!_ ” Kaidan’s voice jumped an octave as John fondled the sides of his implant. He used his one-hand grip on John’s cheek to force them into a slow sensual roll. “ _John_ ,” he exhaled.

His own breathing hitched, a long moan following it as Kaidan’s hand reached between them, other one still rubbing along the underside of his port.

Kaidan’s lip was between his teeth again, whimpering a little with each pass of his hand over them both, small biotic flares pulsing between them with such frequency that they probably could’ve stopped a bullet—not that they needed to worry about that anymore.

“ _Fuck,_ Kaidan _nnn..._ ” He groaned just before a blue wave brighter than any before it blanketed them both, Kaidan’s mouth popping open in a silent yell, his biotics merging with John’s, the energy thrumming through both their nerves for several long, glorious, moments.

 

It wasn’t until after their breathing had settled and both of them were drifting on the edge of sleep that Kaidan realized something. “Hey.”

Shepard grunted back.

“You never answered my question. About when you realized you loved me.”

“Oh.” John’s voice was a little clearer this time, the reminder clearly having woken him up a little. It was a long minute before he spoke again. “The Citadel?”

Kaidan squirmed until he could meet Shepard’s eyes without squinting. “Ah, yes, that time. At the Citadel.” Shepard swatted Kaidan’s shoulder.

“I wasn’t finished. During that last bit of shore leave.”

“Or what was supposed to be shore leave?”

A smile flashed over Shepard’s lips. “Yeah. Standing there, looking out at the Normandy. After you walked away, I glanced over at you and just… loved you.”

 

John could still remember the feeling. The simplicity of looking over at Kaidan and knowing the warmth that came with knowing he was near was love. He’d spent so much time wrestling with his feelings, but in that moment everything was so uncomplicated.

“Took you that long, huh.” Kaidan didn’t sound put off, or even inquisitive for that matter. Just like he was making an observation. It didn’t sit quite right with John.

“Is that okay?”

That startled a soft laugh out of Kaidan. “Why would it not be okay?”

John scratched at his scalp, chasing the itch that had popped up. Kaidan automatically reached up and started scratching through the short buzz just the way John liked it. “I don’t know.” He sighed. “I never really had time for love, before. I thought you might be disappointed since you knew you loved me so much earlier.”

“Shepard.” The warmth of his voice was followed by the warmth of his lips. “I wouldn’t care how long it took you as long as it landed you here.” He pressed another firm kiss to John’s lips. “I love you.”

John chased after Kaidan, initiating a short kiss of his own. “I love you, too. Always.”

Their fingers found each other under the sheets and tangled, thumbs running down familiar ridges and grooves.

They took a pause. Appreciated that they were both alive and functional, if a little more scarred and stiff—and currently sticky—than before. They exchanged soft smiles.

“Always,” Kaidan whispered back.

**Author's Note:**

> I like chatty sex, but for some reason I just really liked the idea of them having a conversation without many words in this particular story. Hopefully it was not terrible, lol.
> 
> Say hi to me on tumblr if you like! [ resmiranda13](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/).


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